Friday, October 31, 2008
WORDSTOCK


So November is almost here which means it's time for the WORDSTOCK festival here in Portland, OR. This is our big literary arts thing.


You know it's got to be good, they have the awesome RED CHAIR image, as their official logo. I went last year and it was super fun.


If you are there, come say hi, I will be at the TARGET CHILDRENS STAGE on sunday, nov. 9, at 3pm. I will have my brand new Power Point Presentation, which I have been practicing. I show pictures of my desk and pictures of myself sitting at my desk and pictures of myself sitting on my couch with my laptop. Trust me, it kills.


Oh and also they wanted some sort of short vignette about Portland from all the writers for their website, so I gave them my awesome poem PORTLAND which I wrote several years ago and which I never get to bust out anymore, but remains one of my personal faves. So I will include it here:


PORTLAND

a
place
on
a
river
where
trees
grow
tall
and
rain
falls
and
quiet
men
sleep
under
bridges


Saturday, October 25, 2008
Indian Beach


This is Indian Beach where people surf here in Oregon. The problem at Indian Beach, and in Oregon in general, is not too many other surfers, it's that occasionally there are not any surfers which then becomes dangerous in it's own way.

One of my favorite things about surfing is that though it is a totally solo activity, the participants look out for each other in this purely practical way. Like a 14 year old kid here in Oregon got his arm chopped off by some psycho in a fishing boat last summer. While they were dragging the kid in, another kid went out and found the arm and brought it back and because it was well preserved (in a wet suit and in cold water), they managed to re-attach it.

Okay, sorry about the gruesome details. The point is I went down to Indian Beach on a brilliantly gloomy, foggy day but there was not a soul there, no one else was out, so I asked some guys who were leaving if I should go out at all, they said sure. So I did. But then these guys showed up, which made me feel a lot better . . .


Sunday, October 19, 2008
NFL midseason analysis


So we're pretty far into the NFL football season and so as a service to my mother, who claims she decides which teams to follow based on my "personalities assessments", I am offering them to her, and anyone else who cares or follows football. Here are some of my favorite teams and why I like them:

MIAMI DOLPHINS:
I love Miami because they've been terrible lately but they're getting better. They have a new coach who has been running all these crazy college plays that are from the 1920s or whatever. Really funny old school stuff. They have nothing to lose, they were 1-15 last year.

They also have one of my favorite personalities: Ricky Williams. Williams is probably my favorite NFL story. He is one of those can-do-anything athletes. But he's also too smart and introspective for his own good. He is a vegetarian, a hindu, a yoga instructor, and has depression issues and social anxiety disorder. He also smokes pot which got him thrown out of the NFL a couple of times. The NFL, much as I love it, is about as reactionary ultraconservative of a culture as there is. At one point he moved to India and lived in a tent. The sports talk radio people went ballistic. They hated him. I love him. I mean just look at his face. The dude is obviously a God among men.

SAN DIEGO:
San Diego used to have this great old school coach Marty Shottenheimer. Poor Marty molded great teams all through the 80s and 90s. He was tough, simple, clear. But he had bad luck and lost crucial playoff games. Anyway, so then San Diego hired him in the early 2000s and he immediately got them deep into the playoffs. (the NFL is all about the coaches.) But he lost a couple tough playoff games and people made fun of his old school ways and fired him and so then the geniuses that run the team hired this total loser Norv Turner, who can't do anything. Dude, his name is NORV, he's obviously LAME.

So now they still have this great team, all these great players, all molded by the great Marty SHOTTENHEIMER, and they can't do anything. And the players totally know!!!!! They know that they're great. They could be one of the best teams. But in this case the management has screwed over the players by being idiots. And the great MARTY SHOTTENHEIMER is unemployed.

THE JETS:
The Jets are going to suck. It never works to move old great quarterbacks.

THE GIANTS:
None of the players liked Coach Conklin when he first came. They were like: This is New York City, we don't need some hick coach giving us a bunch of sappy earnest football lore. SO HE CHANGED!!!! And adapted to them!!!! Unheard of in the football philosophy.

They also have ELI MANNING at QB, who has this sociopath vibe. Like he appears to have no emotions or care about anything or anyone. Talk about inscrutable. He is UNREADABLE. It's sort of fascinating. Also his brother is the hugely successful Peyton Manning who plays for the unwatchable Baltimore Colts. The two of them are like Cain and Abel. Peyton means well, does everything right, is a super good person. But he has only one one Superbowl for all his work. ELI who looks like he could murder you if he got any more bored, has already won one and will probably win more.

BUFFALO:
I like Buffalo this year because they have no famous players and the fans live in horrible Buffalo and you know that must suck. They are playing well and beating people in a smart straightforward way. Also the great movie BUFFALO 66 staring Vincent Gallo, was made about their loss in the Superbowl many years ago. There's just this weird thing I have about Buffalo. The world is right when Buffalo has a good football team.

OAKLAND RAIDERS:
Poor Oakland. They are terrible. And they have this giant quarterback, DeMarcus Russell, who was a number one draft pick but looks utterly lost in the pro game. The whole team is a disaster but they actually have two or three amazingly talented players. It's fascinating to watch them. They don't seem to even know what plays they are running. And the commentators try to say polite things about them but that just makes it more pathetic. And at the same time, you know they're going to beat somebody good, just by accident. That's how strangely incomprehensible they are. They are the football version of the train wreck you kinda have to watch.

DENVER:
Denver has a really smart, intense coach who looks exactly like a chipmunk eating an acorn. Seriously. They also have Jay Cutler as their quarterback, who is a hipster!! Like he has long hair that hangs in his face and a bit of a go-tee and he says outrageous things about how good he is. A little Joe Namath in the guy. They look pretty good. They could be in it all the way to the end.

DALLAS:
I used to be into Texas as a concept. This huge, rough and tumble. desert state. You know Cormac McCarthy and all that. But after George Bush and all the people who supported him, and the Dallas Cowboys being "America's Team" I have come all the way around and now hate the state and everything it stands for. I found Terrell Owens to be compelling when he supposedly tried to kill himself. Now I just find them all annoying.


Sunday, October 12, 2008
German Paranoid Park


Back in Portland now. Resting up after my fun NYC trip. Doing some school visits next month so working on my power point presentation, trying to figure out how that works exactly.

Also got some German editions of my book PARANOID PARK. Usually the foreign editions use images from the Gus Van Sant movie, but the German's did their own and I think it looks pretty awesome.

Speaking of Gus, he had a screening of his new film MILK here in Portland which I missed. Can't wait to see it. Can't wait to see Sean Penn in the title role.


Friday, October 10, 2008
NYC


When I am old and can't move, just roll me onto a busy corner in New York City and leave me for the day. Or better yet on the steps of the Met or some other cultural fortress, so I can watch the interested and interesting people mingle and talk and sit and stare into space.

So yeah, I got to go to New York this week. To have some meetings and further plot the world domination of my new book DESTROY ALL CARS.

Spent most of the time having lunches with various friends and associates. I saw some movies, went to some shows, missed the Elizabeth Peyton art show, opened the day I left.

Great to see everyone, you know who you are. Thanks to Sally for putting me up!



Nick and Norah's Infinite playlist: The Year YA Broke


The highlight of my trip, one of them anyway, was getting to attend the special "Union Square Premiere" of Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist. This movie is based on the book by two of my favorite YA writers, David Levithan, (who is also my editor) and Rachel Cohn. What David and Rachel did, which was an awesome idea, was invite everyone to the Union Square theaters for ALL the shows, ALL day on opening Friday. So it was kind of an all day party there. I went to one of the day time shows so I actually got to hang out with everyone and chat. Later shows that night were apparently packed and sold out and kind of a madhouse.

The movie, starring Micheal Cera and Kat Denning, was awesome. Michael Cera was unbelievably good. He never says anything that isn't funny or interesting or catches you off guard. Really an amazing work. I was so impressed and proud of my compatriots. There have now been several excellent and non-Disney type movies based on YA books this year. 2008: the year that YA broke.



Blake Nelson = NEW TREND


This is my new friend Syl Tang who is a professional trend watcher, international newspaper columnist, entrepreneur and fashion guru. It took some convincing to get her to believe that I was a new trend. "Just look at me," I said, by way of explanation. She remained skeptical but then I put on my cool shades and she was convinced.



New Pants


How dare anyone question my status as a NEW TREND, just look at my cool new pants!



The Fahs


Also got to hang with my old pal John Fahs, who recently graduated with his MLS, (masters of library science). This being further proof that all my best punk rock/scenester friends are now librarians.